Would I Actually Go Back?

"If only I could go back..."

I found myself seemingly stuck in this thought process. If only I could go back to that happy memory. If only I could go back to when I was friends with those people. If only I could go back to those summer nights. If only I could go back...

And then God began to speak to me through the middle of my "wish I could go back to..." What if I went back? Here's the thing. God has brought me through every hard time I've ever gone through and has made me stronger through it. Do I have everything figured out now? No. However, if you had told me last year in like July that I would have gone through all the stuff that I did in a year, I probably would've curled up in the fetal position and cried (P.S. that's why God doesn't let us see into the future, lol). Through every trial and tribulation, God has brought me through and made me stronger. I am not the same girl I was a year ago, and for that, I am grateful. Instead of looking back and wishing I could go back to those happy memories, why don't I just look at the present, realize that I am a better person because God brought me through the hard times, and thank God for the life that I am currently living. I cannot stress enough how blessed I truly am.

So, would I go back? Sure, reliving some good memories would be nice. But I wouldn't be as close to the Lord as I am now. Even in my personal life, some things about my personality have changed. I'm not as much of a people pleaser anymore, when I constantly felt stressed about doing or saying the wrong thing, and people getting mad at me. If I hadn't gone through certain situations where I had to learn how to stand up for myself, chances are I'd still be just as much of a people pleaser, if not more so. And that's just one example. The past year has also taught me a lot about relationships and friendships. Again, all because of tough situations that God brought me through, every step of the way. Moral of the story: I am a better person because of the hard situations where some days I didn't even know how to continue into the next hour.

The answer to the question is no. I wouldn't go back. Instead, I'll thank God for the lessons taught and praise Him for His goodness in both the bad times and the good times. 

The blessings that I have today came from the hard times of yesterday.