Letting Go

 Do you struggle with control? I know I do. As a sixteen year old, the rest of my life seems to loom upon me. I've really struggled these past few months with control. I only have two more years left in highschool, and then what? College? If so, where? What degree? What do I want to do with my life? How will I know what God wants for my life? I'm sixteen, I should really have these things figured out by now. My friends know what they want to be. Why can't I decide? These thoughts swirled around my mind endlessly, giving me no break. Last Sunday night, I was at home watching our church service live on the tv. The church had a guest family there that night. I was moved by their story. He and his wife were told by multiple doctors they would never be able to have children. However, they had 5 biological children and adopted 4 more. Nine children in total, ranging from ages 18 to 6! Then, this family was called to become missionaries in South Africa. So they went. And there they have stayed until now, where they are on furlough in the United States. Hearing these people speak and sing praises for the Lord, I was touched. Something changed in me that night. I realized that I didn't have to have everything figured out right now. 

The thought also crossed my mind for the very first time to be a missionary. It wasn't that I would have ever said, "No, Lord, I won't be a missionary." I've always wanted the Lord's will for my life. I just had never thought I was called to be one. I think I thought there was this big revealing moment, an "aha" moment, so to speak, where a light shines down on you and you just know you're called to be a missionary. But I had never had one of those moments, so I naturally assumed that it was a sign that I wasn't called to be one. I still don't know that I'm called to be a missionary. I'm in the process of praying and seeing where the Lord leads me. I don't know, and I'm okay with that. Am I going to college? I don't know. Do I know what I want to do? Nope. Am I going across the world to be a missionary in Africa? Maybe. I don't know. *laughs*. And I'm okay with that!! I don't have to know what I'm doing in my life. I am fully expecting the Lord to lead me in whatever direction I need to go. I'm all for whatever He has. Am I scared to go across the world in possibly dangerous areas? No, because I know I will be in the palm of my Heavenly Father's hand. Again, I don't know that I'm called to be a missionary. It's just a whole new thought to me, and honestly, I am loving not being in the know. I put full trust in my Savior. 

The reason I tell y'all all this is simply because I ask for your prayers. Pray for me as I start this new chapter in my life of letting go, and giving it all to the Lord. I don't need control. I've given it over to God, I have full trust that He's got this.